It’s all painfull

I would like to explore here my writing; at the age of 14 I had a car accident, pretty serious and afterwards I was stuck firmly at home for a few good months. I had to kill my time with something I started reading books and really fell in love with Shakespeare's writing so much at at one point I thought I want to be able to do that to, to explore myself in literature. I listened to specific music too, I mean I had one band I loved, the songs were written by the leader and were written based on his feelings and life. Like a short and easy expression of a big piece of time; I had so much to say too and poems were ideal. Afterwards I started writing more and trying a bit longer pieces but wasn't so confident in it, also my life wasn't really stabilized so it wasn't in favor to my writing. I have woken up from the bad dream now, I'm working hard on leaving it behind trying to make strong and firm steps from now on. I must admit I was lost in my grown up life and had a difficulty choosing the right path for myself. Since I could speak properly and understand things I loved art in all its forms and I liked the beauty and art of writing in order to show the importance of the piece being talked about. Funny enough I wanted to write children's books when I grow up! Anyway going to talk about who I've become, no one yet, I wanted to write and I wanted to explore art and it's history - to understand it. But I didn't think that trough and chose too obvious things for learning that actually didn't help me understand what I want nor perform my actions in the way I chose. In my past years many things happened, too much for me to handle that I started being afraid of myself and my personality became very weak too. In the past year I tried really hard to put life back on the tracks but I was still weak in my moves and the fear was killing me. Until a month ago something happened, like somebody poked me in the head to shake it and made me see, made me realize I don't want to live like that anymore, I don't want to weight for luck and something good to happened and wonder all the time if I'm going to make. This life is not for me, I used to be different and the person I've become was someone I always felt sorry for, I was really ashamed of myself. From that moment I turned my life around, I started making actions opposite to what I have been doing to that day, not being afraid I may not make it. But knowing that if I won't make this one I will make the other, I wasn't worrying anymore what will I do when I get rejected but planning the plan B, thinking further and next. It's 30th December 2018 and I carry on my positivity, not thinking of anything going wrong but just doing the things on my list to my way to success and happiness. Finally, I am not afraid of myself anymore, I started to feel happy just from the sun coming up. View all posts by Evie View